.22
My father wants to teach me how to shoot
He says it’s a good skill for a young woman to have
Last night, I tried to shotgun a beer
I know that wasn’t what he meant
But I’m so used to using my own body as target practice
It just made sense
Last night, I wanted to be invincible
So, I drank too much
And walked on glass
And said I did not need him
And woke up with bloody knuckles and a dry a mouth
Swollen knees and ripped pants
I pretend to be invincible
But I am afraid of so many things
Of letting people get too close
Of them leaving
And hurting me
Every time I bleed, I laugh
And pretend the pain is not there
The scars and bruises will go away
But knowing you are unwanted by the person you want the most
That is my biggest fear
On Becoming the Church Bag Lady
I wear him on my sleeve
I still feel him
Holding me down
So heavily
Not like a brick
But like a gallon of milk
A fresh bag of groceries
A newborn child
We carry so much weight on our shoulders
We can’t even call the bag ladies bag ladies anymore
Because we’ve all turned into bag ladies
You carry your past on your back
Your future in your hands
And you’re not even sure where to put your present
You lose it so often
It seems less and less important
Eventually it will become part of your past
Like your scars
And his hands
Eventually you will have too many bags to carry
And secrets to keep
And stories to remember
But eventually you will be okay
Stronger
No longer fueled by your hate for him
No longer weighed down
By all that you carry with you
Everyday
Annisha Montgomery is a recent graduate of Mount St. Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, MD. Though she was first introduced to poetry and spoken word in the 8th grade, it was her time at the Mount that pushed her to write and share her poems with her professors and peers. She hopes to publish her own book someday.
Image by Diliff – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=40699786
You are amazing