The poems in this post are part of a special section, curated by Ori Z Soltes and Robert Bettmann, The Jewish Experience.
My Turn to Carry
I read about it ahead of time. So when I first lifted
the Torah—holding my breath, braced for how heavy
it must be—the frail tenderness of its rustling body
sealed my bitten lips. If I hadn’t read ahead, I would have
snuggled the wrapped bundle to my left shoulder, where
my babies pressed against the wing of my collarbone
where the cramp of an infant’s insides could warm,
release, burp or bottom gurgle, sobs ceasing.
But the directions said to pull the cloaked scroll instead
to my right, which was the shoulder that my Girl Scout sash
used to drape—merit badges hand stitched, needle and thread
(my mother sympathetic but insistent: you can do this),
the angled sweep of fabric loose against me. Not over my
heart. But freeing the other side of my ribcage, the side
where later a cancer nodule nestled, to inhale.
Which is what I tried to do, keep breathing, so surprised:
“I am holding the Torah. The Torah!” All its presence then
nestled against me, filling me, the way I felt before that baby
emerged from my straining birth canal, tiny heart linked to my
own through a throbbing cord. Flesh of my flesh. Child, I knew
in that moment I’d always wonder where you were, and long
for your safety. Likewise, the Torah. Painstaking copy of cryptic
symbols, uncertain history, out-of-date habits, a transcript
of men, while the women who’d birthed them grew small in the
rearview mirror. Sweet bundle in your embroidered gown,
now I’m ready to challenge you, with my love.

Beth Kanell lives in northeastern Vermont among rivers, rocks, and a lot of writers. Her poems seek comfortable seats in small well-lit places, including Lilith Magazine, The Comstock Review, Gyroscope Review, The Post-Grad Journal, Does It Have Pockets?, Anti-Heroin Chic, Ritualwell, Persimmon Tree, Northwind Treasury, and Rise Up Review. Find her memoirs on Medium, and her reviews at the New York Journal of Books and Historical Novels Review. She also writes feature articles, short stories, and novels, recently This Ardent Flame and The Bitter and the Sweet.
Featured image in this post: Bochum Synagoge 2, New synagogue Bochum: Torah scrolls in Torah ark Reclus, creative commons via wikimedia commons.