These poems are published as part of the Amplifying Disabled Voices special section, selected by editors Christopher Heuer, Marlena Chertock, and Gregory Luce.
 

When I Was 69

At age 69, I wondered how I should feel
when 69 was the position I could never manage
while making love or the number of poems
whose words were lost before they touched
the page. Sixty-nine thousand is probably
the number of times I wished my disability
would disappear –

Sixty-nine hundred must be the number of walks
I have taken when I put aside my worries
to enjoy the world around me.
When my husband told me, sixty-nine million times
that he loved me.
Must I always be in doubt because I am not like everyone else?

My body has its challenges.
Spastic muscles
ease with exercise;
long walks with a rollator
do not define who I am.

I will take my body
wherever it wants to go.
Pain or no pain; slow movements
Shaky hands, numb thumbs.

Off we go in cars, trains, and planes.
toward the mystery of unknown places
I will not pander to stranger’s looks.
My body is fine; I will keep it with me.
 

Just Another Day

I awake to greet a day
when my body does not yell at me.
Muscles settle peacefully in
legs, arms, back
my face does not show the worry
that often keeps me awake
In the late hours of the night.

Today I dress in pretty clothes
Earrings dangle from my ears
Does anyone really believe
an aging, disabled woman cannot
be beautiful?

I go into the city
My 4-wheel rollator will take me everywhere.
A textile show
A Van Gogh exhibition
New fiction in my favorite bookstore

A friend meets me for lunch
Pasta with truffles
Chocolate bonbons with vanilla cream
She cuts my food
I ignore the condescending looks

‘I have to go’ she says
Just as we begin a real conversation

I get lost on my way home
stopping strangers for directions
They don’t wait for me to finish speaking
thinking I am homeless
or want their money.

I find my way as sun begins to set
delighting in sounds of evening
Shadow’s reflection on my hand

As a 77 year-old woman with Cerebral Palsy, since birth, I have been writing poetry since my college days. My poems attempt to portray my various life experiences with hints of humor and a love of nature. I try to express both my resilience and wonder at the various reactions to my body from others as well as myself. Still working, I am the Project Director of the Entry Point! program, sponsored by the American Association for the Advancement of Science, which connects undergraduate and graduate students with disabilities to industry, government and industry partners for consideration of placement in summer internships. Over 500 interns have secured graduate degrees in their fields and/or are working scientists. Married for 48 years, I have a marvelous daughter, son-in-law, and two amazing grandchildren, 11 and 14. My first chapbook, “Contender of Chaos” was published in 2020. “The Tree and Me” was published in last year’s Mid-Atlantic Review, and three poems were recently published in the online journal, Wordsgathering.

Featured image in this post is, “Farmhouse in Provence” by Vincent Van Gogh, public domain, image via National Gallery of Art via Wikimedia Commons.