“I just want to tell you that some people have war in their countries”

After Sunu P. Chandy

A Top Model contestant tells a crying
girl this after the other girl is
disqualified from a challenge.

And now I am reminded of war.
I am reminded of explosions and
white phosphorous, of rubble and
of Christiane Amanpour on the ground,
of a tan tank with The Punisher’s
logo decaled near the hatch.

I am reminded of the protests here
and riot helmets and riot shields
and riot batons and tear gas and
pepper spray and Molotov cocktails
and encampments bulldozed and
flower crowns tossed in the garbage.

I am reminded of shit posts
and memes and shitty memes,
of hot takes and cold takes and
clickbait and community polls.

I just wanted to know who would win
the go-see challenge on this season of
Top Model, and instead I am reminded that
I’m not disqualified from the conversation
just because I tuned it out for 45 minutes.

I Seem To Have Died, Is That Ok?

I Seem to Have Died, Is That Okay?

If you’ll permit it,

then my echoes will silence themselves,
my breath will be too heavy to float,
my sighs won’t accidentally shatter glass,
my scent will dissolve in a hurricane,
my hair won’t hold dust motes prisoner,
my skin won’t flake into all the crevasses,
my eyes will be unable to process light and color,
my lips won’t curl nor wilt in tune with the rhythm,
my hands won’t beg or plead to be filled,
my fingers won’t surge electricity down your spine,
my legs will never bend like bamboo in a storm,
and my feet will never desire new spaces.

If you will,
then I will allow you to watch my
breakdown so that you can learn how
to go as quietly as a balloon wrenched
from a child’s hands.

If not,
then I’m sorry that I let you down
one last time and will leave you
in this hospice center with one more
resentment to take out on my echoes
that couldn’t hide in time from you.

Title comes from a riff from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.

Alex Carrigan (he/him) is a Pushcart-nominated editor, poet, and critic from Alexandria, VA. He is the author of Now Let’s Get Brunch: A Collection of RuPaul’s Drag Race Twitter Poetry (Querencia Press, 2023) and May All Our Pain Be Champagne: A Collection of Real Housewives Twitter Poetry (Alien Buddha Press, 2022). He has appeared in The Broadkill Review, Sage Cigarettes, Barrelhouse, Fifth Wheel Press, Cutbow Quarterly, and more. Visit carriganak.wordpress.com or follow him on Twitter @carriganak for more info.

Featured Image: Miguel Pires da Rosa from Braga, Portugal, CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons