21st Century American Birthday
You know you’ve made it
as a consumer and a modern American
when the bulk of your birthday texts and emails
are automated.
Happy birthday from Starbucks
come in for a free coffee.
Happy birthday from Hertz
get one day free if you book your next rental now.
Happy birthday from your optometrist
don’t forget to schedule your annual vision check-up
and be sure to look at our new frames.
Happy birthday from your dentist
don’t neglect your annual cleaning
make a vow to floss regularly as you age.
Happy birthday from Jiffy Lube
come get your free oil change
and a twelve point inspection.
Happy birthday from your physical therapist
does that shoulder still hurt
book now for ten percent off
don’t forget we’re out of network.
Happy birthday from your current employer
and your last employer
they value your contributions
and wish you a great year ahead.
Happy birthday from your insurance company
home and auto
are you happy with your coverages
have you looked into life insurance?
Happy birthday from your bank
they hope you have a wonderful day
are you interested in some new type of checking account?
Happy birthday from the tire shop
don’t forget about your rotation and
check our holiday special for tires
remember winter is approaching
don’t forget your snow tires.
Happy birthday from some website
you don’t remember
you bought something off of years ago
what even was it.
Happy birthday from your credit card company
use these rewards redeem these points
thank you for being a loyal card user
don’t stop spending.
Happy birthday from this social media site
and that one too
make sure you do a post
or a story
or both
share your birthday with your friends
share share share.
Happy birthday from this big hotel chain
and from Air BNB
and from that little bed and breakfast
where you spent your final night with your last lover.
Happy birthday from this restaurant
and that restaurant too
come in for a free birthday dessert
come in for a free birthday drink
come in for 20% off
come to our restaurant
no ours
go to all of them
you can eat 5, 6, 10 meals on your birthday and
maybe, finally
you’ll feel satisfied.
Winter Wind
You stay in bed
during the first winter wind.
It slices the window
behind your head
at a higher pitch
than in summer.
It sounds cold,
as if it could cut through
the pane that separates you
from the morning air
at any moment.
Victor McConnell grew up in a small town in Texas and graduated from Dartmouth’s creative writing program in 2004. After a year in a wheelchair in 2005 and a long, mostly dormant period from 2010-2019, he resumed writing fiction and poetry in 2020. His work has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize and has appeared in a variety of literary journals, such as the Los Angeles Review, New Ohio Review, Dogwood Literary Journal, and Driftwood Press, among others. His first book, a collection of short stories titled WHEN EVEN THE BONES HAVE THINNED, is scheduled for
publication in 2026 with Hidden River Press out of Philadelphia. He has a 14-year-old son and lives in Golden, Colorado. More of his work can be found at https://www.victormcconnellauthor.com/.
Featured image: Social media addiction, Doctorxgc, CC BY-SA 4.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0>, via Wikimedia Commons
